Friday, May 20, 2011

Well that was weird.

Last week we did our Kansas City Outreach and it was surprisingly incredible. We had 5 days of ministry and we did things like helping set up a garage sale for a youth center, having free prayer stands at the Plaza in Kansas City, hanging out with kids and cleaning at an Urban youth ministry, having a day of prayer at a local college, and spending a night cooking and socializing with a group of down syndrome teens. I really hadn't been looking forward to KC outreach because planning it was so stressful but seriously, God blew me away with how great it was.
The first night we went to Desoto Youth where we put on a program for about 30 teens and helped them set up for the garage sale. So we got there and Sarah (the student in charge of planning this outreach) comes walking around before we start asking if anyone wants to give a testimony. For some reason I kind of wanted to but I had no idea what I would say so I didn't think I actually would. She came back a few minutes later and told me that RJ was giving a lesson on living radically for Christ. Well that was weird because God's been teaching me a lot about that lately. So, hesitantly, I volunteered to speak with less than half an hour notice.
Now just so you realize how strange this is, let me tell you about the time back in December when we practiced public speaking in Kairos. We had to go up on stage and draw a random word out of a hat and then speak on it for a minute. I got up there and drew the word bellybuttons and after maybe 15 seconds, I left the stage shaking and crying having a panic attack in front of my entire class. Spontaneous public speaking isn't exactly my cup of tea.
So when I volunteered to speak with no time to plan every word I would say, that was WEIRD! In that 30 minutes I had, I tried to plan but when I rehearsed it in my head, I could only get throught the 2nd sentence before my mind would go blank. But I stayed strangely calm.
So we started the program with some worship and then RJ gave his message and then it was my turn. So I got up there and just started speaking. It was crazy because I think my words probably came out smoother and making more sense than they do in normal life. There was no shaking and no crying. It was just good.
I talked about how I always thought that living radically meant moving to Africa or something and how I was perfectly ok with that. And then I told them how I've always thought that the time until then was kind of a waste. But I explained that right now, God is calling me home, not to Africa. And in my eyes, home is just dark. I prayed for weeks that God would change his mind about sending me home but unfortunately, he didn't and so I finally just gave in and decided to go with it. There has been so much relief since I made that decision and now, God is showing me that I can still live radically, even at home. And that doesn't mean I need to be going out evangelizing everyday or anything like that but it just means that I can live my life completely dedicated to Christ and let people see it. And I don't need to isolate myself from the culture to do that. One thing that I plan to do is be a leader in my youth group. Realistically, I probably can't make what seems to be a big difference in my youth group or church but I can pour my life into a small group of girls and make a big difference in their lives. I can live my normal everyday life drenched in prayer and scripture and disciple a few girls in the process. It doesn't seem like much but it is living radically for Christ and that is what I have been called to do. And someday, I probably will move to Africa but in the meantime, God can still use me here.
So I just spoke about what God has been showing me lately and it was good. And I think that maybe it helped some of those kids because honestly, they're in middle or high school. Even if they are eventually called to be radical in Africa, they most likely do not have that option right now. So it was cool to be able to explain how they can be radical in a normal place.
So that was the beginning of our KC outreach and it was incredible. And after all I could say was, "Well, that was weird."
God is cool sometimes :)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

In the midst of chaos

So we've been back from break for a little over a month now and we are busier than ever! We're reading our 4th book, we've memorized several verses, we're doing a thorough book study on 1 Peter AND in the midst of all this, the students are in charge of planning a 5 day Kansas City outreach that will be happening in just 2 weeks! And we only get busier from here. Yikes!
With everything going on (and that list only skims the surface), I've noticed that Kairos was taking a lot of hits and we weren't looking too good. We were tired and stressed and worried and we started slacking off on essential things like prayer and worship. We were all getting frustrated at each other and there were a lot of tears. It was not a good situation. For quite a while, I thought it was just me noticing these things and that I was making a big deal out of nothing but on Tuesday, it ended up coming up in my small group time. Every person in my small group had been feeling this same thing so we decided to do something about it. So we prayed.
We normally only have an hour for small groups but on Tuesday, my group ended up sitting in a car in the parking lot and praying for almost 2 1/2 hours. We prayed for each other and for Kairos and for our families and we read scripture and it was wonderful! It was like taking a breath of fresh air after being in the slums in Sierra Leone (trust me, the air there is anything but fresh!). It was so refreshing and great! Later in the week we ended up talking to some staff about our concerns and it turned out that they had been feeling this too and so on Friday, we had a time of prayer with the whole class and it was so cool. You could just feel an atmosphere change. The heaviness of the past month was just being lifted away and the fire within us was once again lit. We were brought together as a family once again and it was so sweet. We're all still incredibly stressed and busy and the chaos isn't about to let up but it's ok because God is good and he is faithful and when our focus is on him, everything's going to work out.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Perfectly happy.

Right before we left for Honduras, some of us got together to have a night of prayer at Tony's house. There was one point in the night where I was pacing the back part of the room we were in and I had the most ridiculous smile on my face. So I started thinking about how at that moment I was so incredibly happy but not only that, I was joyful. And I loved it! As I was thinking about this, Phoebe spoke up and told us to think about where we were 3 years ago. Wow, that hit me! See, 3 years ago I was in the worst couple of months in my life. That time was really the climax of my depression. I remember how I just felt isolated and how smiling felt so unnatural. The idea of ever being happy seemed completely hopeless. But just 3 years later, here I was; in a basement in Kansas with an enormous smile on my face surrounded by people that I've grown to love as my family. I never usually think about how much I've changed these past few years because it's seemed to happen so slowly but really, 3 years is not a long time! I get so frustrated whenever I struggle with stuff nowadays but when I really think about it, all of my current struggles are miniscule compared to what they used to be. And when you look at just those two snapshots of my life you realize that I am a completely different person!
I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I realized that for the first time in my life, I am perfectly content with where I am. Perfectly happy even! See, right now, I know that I am exactly where God wants me and it is such a good feeling. Yeah, I do still struggle with stuff sometimes but my struggles are small and I know that God is always faithful to get me past them. And although being joyful still feels kind of unnatural at times and I still have to work at it, I do experience joy quite often. Joy used to be a completely unknown concept to me.
Like I said, I've been thinking about this a lot lately so I just wanted to share this because it's proof that God is good and I am excited about it!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

We're not in Kansas anymore. . .

Ok, sorry about the cheesy title but you know I've been waiting for an opportunity to use it ever since moving to Kansas. So anyways, it's been a long time since I wrote last and needless to say, a lot has happened since then.
The last time I wrote we were in Texas and I was giving my testimony the next day. It actually went really well! I ended up having to change it 3 times in the end and it was completely different then when I started. I talked about my fear to experience joy and how I've been overcoming that fear these past couple of years. With all of the changes I made, I know God must have had a reason for me to say what I did at that specific school. Yeah, it turned out really good.
Blitz overall ended up being great! I thought it would be fun and stuff but I wasn't expecting to like Texas as much as I did and I definitely wasn't expecting to grow like I did. I grew a lot! Two of the big things God taught me about were boldness and having a voice. It's impossible to explain how God worked in me and how I've grown but just trust me when I say a lot happened on Blitz.
So after Blitz, we went back to Texas for a little over a week and then we left for Honduras! Once we got to Honduras we drove about 5 hours to a small town called Yamaranguila where we worked with an organization called Mercy International. Mercy is an incredible organization that is strategically reaching not only Honduras, but the world. If you're interested, you should check out their website www.beyondmercy.com to learn more. It's really exciting stuff. Anyways though, while in Yamaranguila we helped the missionaries there put on a huge yard sale, we laid a concrete floor, we went on some prayer walks through the town, and we put on a VBS for several of the local kids. We also went to a nearby town to a squatting community called the Invasion where we got to love on the kids and do another VBS. I think the Invasion was my favorite place we went.
After a few days in Yamaranguila, we went drove another 2 hours up to a village in the mountains called San Pedrito. It rained the day we were supposed to leave so the muddy roads ended up delaying us 2 days. When we were finally able to go, we had to do it in shifts over 3 days because we had to take trucks rather than our vans in order to get through. I ended up going on the third day which meant that the next day we would be hiking even deeper into the mountains. So, that next day our team split up into two groups and we hiked out to two very remote villages up in the mountains. I went to Santa Maria which meant a 5 hour hike through the rainforest. It was an incredibly beautiful hike but unfortunately I was really sick which made it kind of miserable. Up in the mountains my team put on another VBS as well as a lice clinic and we laid a foundation and floor for a house. I learned some huge lessons on rest and prayer while I was up there because since I was so sick I was unable to do a lot of the ministry. God revealed to me the truth that prayer really is the backbone of ministry and that I don't actually have to be the one doing the ministry to have an impact. This was a huge lesson for me!
After two days in Santa Maria, the team hiked back out to return to Yamaranguila. I got to ride a mule out of the mountains because I was sick. I can't even describe to you how beautiful that mule ride was. It was a wonderful and quiet 3 hours just spent with my Abba. Anyways, after a couple more days of ministry in Yamaranguila, we headed out to debrief. We went to the beach so that we could relax and reflect before coming back to the US. It was such a great time! The second day we were there I got baptized in the Caribbean. I've been praying about getting baptized for over a year and a half now so this was a really sweet moment. It was even better because there were 8 others who got baptized so we got to all do it together.
Yeah, Honduras was really, really great. It definitely had it's hard moments, like being sick for 10 of the 17 days, but I wouldn't change anything. God taught me a ton and I grew a lot closer to him and to the rest of my team. And it definitely got me excited about what God is doing in the rest of the world outside of Kansas.
So yeah, that's about it. I'm on spring break now for a couple weeks but I'll try to put out another update once I head back to Kansas. Thanks for reading this! Bye!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Speaking Blitz!

As of last night we have officially been in Texas for a week. Wow! God is already doing so much. We've been having great responses at all of the schools and churches we've gone to and God has also been doing some amazing stuff just within our team. And, to my surprise, I actually like Texas! I never expected that but it's actually really nice.
People always ask me what exactly blitz is so I'm going to try to explain it. On Blitz, we go to different churches and schools and we present opportunities for teens to get more involved with missions and stuff. But really, the heart of what we're doing is to encourage teens to get to know God better and to make him known. Like I said, we provide opportunities for them to do that but we're not about promoting ourselves, we're about promoting God. We do this through dramas, videos, and testimonies and then after the program, we just spread ourselves into the crowd and get to know people.
So far, we've spoken at 6 different schools and churches.We even got through the back door and spoke at a public school! This was definitely a God thing seeing as the principal didn't know we were coming but we got to speak anyways. We've had the opportunity to talk and pray with a ton of students and we have several who have committed to coming to Royal Servants and Kairos. It is so cool to witness God at work and to see how he uses our stories to change these students lives. It's also cool because each one of us students has to give our testimony at some point in time and a lot of our testimonies had to do with Royal Servants or Kairos but God has been having each one of us change them so that the focus is now on him. Speaking of which, I'm giving my testimony tomorrow at a christian school so please be praying for me. I'm actually pretty excited about it because I am one of the ones who had to change it (twice actually) and I really believe that I had to change it for a reason because there's going to be someone in the audience who needs to hear what I have to say. It should be good.
You can also be praying for me because lately I've been having a lot of anxiety attacks. This isn't normal for me. I mean, I've had them before but it was maybe one every couple of months. But on blitz, I've already had like four or five and we've only been here a week. One day I even had two. I'm not completely sure why it's happening but it is so please be praying for that because it's really hard to do my job and talk to people when I'm freaking out.
Other than that though, Blitz is going really well. If you want, you can check out http://www.reignministries.org/topic/kairos-discipleship-school/ and you can read more specifically about what we've been doing as well as what the Georgia team is doing. Our class was big enough this year that we were able to split into two groups, one to Texas and one to Georgia/Tennessee/Alabama. My team has 14 people- Drew, Kaymi, Tony, Phoebe, Dean, Chad, Jason, Leandra, Acacia, Lindsay Lair, Megan, Kate, Cindy, and me. I love our team! We've been getting a lot closer to each other and it's great!
So anyways, that's pretty much it for now. Please keep praying for me, my team, the Georgia team, and everyone we're speaking to. Thanks!
~Emily

Monday, January 10, 2011

Best week ever

It's been over a month since I last wrote. Sorry about that. I've just been busy and when I wasn't busy, I had a crazy amount of stuff to think about because God has been messing up my mind with everything he is. But finally, here I am. I think I'm going to start with this week and work backwards.

This week was just incredible! Our speaker was Doug Easterday and he talked more about the father heart of God. This topic has been coming up A LOT in Kairos and even outside of Kairos and I know that for me it's because I needed (and maybe still need) to hear it. So Doug came and talked and God has been using a lot of things he said to just rock my world. Everything he said has been great but since I can't fit 5 days of teaching into a blog, I'll just share a few points that really stuck out to me. Some of them are pretty minor but they hit me hard so we'll just go with it.
First of all, God is blessed when I experience joy. Like a father, he likes to see his children happy and that's not only a blessing to me but to him as well. So I got to thinking about this and I realized, when I don't let myself be happy or experience joy, I'm not only making myself miserable, I'm withholding a blessing from God! That is NOT something I want to do!
Another thing I realized is that since God wants to bring me joy, it's ok for me to ask for things I want. I've never really thought I was "allowed" to pray for things that I just wanted but didn't need. I mean, God has so many more important things to do so even if I asked, he wouldn't answer anyways. That's a distorted image of God! I'm not saying that if I asked for a pony or something it would just suddenly appear or that God's going to spoil me. I'm just saying that it brings him pleasure to see me joyful so he wants to give me what I want and IT'S OK TO ASK! Whether he gives it to me or not, that's up to him, but it's certainly not going to hurt to ask.
One of the bigger realizations I had seems pretty basic but I think it's something we often overlook. We can't focus solely on Jesus. Ok, just hear me out. Jesus is absolutely crucial to us in our faith. I mean, without him there would be nothing. BUT that's not the whole picture. A lot of times, I think we focus just on Jesus or just on the Spirit or maybe both but, even though we acknowledge his existence, we kind of overlook the father. What I'm saying is, Jesus is just a portion. We also need to know the father in order to experience the fullness of God.
Anyways, if I keep explaining more points this is going to get really long so I'm going to move on. Later in the week, I had some more huge revelations about restoration and the weight of the burdens I'm carrying and where God was in the midst of my pain. It was just wonderful. On Friday, we ended the week with a session on forgiveness. We learned what it was and wasn't and then we spent over two hours in prayer doing it. We started going through a list forgiving all sorts of people and then forgiving God (not that he needed it, it was more removing the blame from him), and then forgiving ourselves. It was powerful and freeing in a lot of ways. The week was so great!
On Saturday, after some intense games of foam hockey, I went to IHOP(prayer) and I spent a few hours just resting with my Abba. It was so comforting and much needed after a great but exhausting week. Sunday was pretty uneventful. I spent it memorizing my testimony for speaking blitz (we leave Friday!!!). Today, we were supposed to present them to the class but it finally snowed in Kansas so we had a snow day!!! It turned out to be really great. I got to hang out with my fam-jam (my host family) which hasn't really happened since I got back from Christmas break. It was a lot of fun to just play in the snow with the girls and just relax.

Ok, so I said I'd start with this week and work backwards but I may have lied. . . This took longer to write than I expected and I'm tired now. But I'll try my best to write more later in the week and give those updates. So that's all for now. Bye!