Perfectly happy.

Right before we left for Honduras, some of us got together to have a night of prayer at Tony's house. There was one point in the night where I was pacing the back part of the room we were in and I had the most ridiculous smile on my face. So I started thinking about how at that moment I was so incredibly happy but not only that, I was joyful. And I loved it! As I was thinking about this, Phoebe spoke up and told us to think about where we were 3 years ago. Wow, that hit me! See, 3 years ago I was in the worst couple of months in my life. That time was really the climax of my depression. I remember how I just felt isolated and how smiling felt so unnatural. The idea of ever being happy seemed completely hopeless. But just 3 years later, here I was; in a basement in Kansas with an enormous smile on my face surrounded by people that I've grown to love as my family. I never usually think about how much I've changed these past few years because it's seemed to happen so slowly but really, 3 years is not a long time! I get so frustrated whenever I struggle with stuff nowadays but when I really think about it, all of my current struggles are miniscule compared to what they used to be. And when you look at just those two snapshots of my life you realize that I am a completely different person!
I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I realized that for the first time in my life, I am perfectly content with where I am. Perfectly happy even! See, right now, I know that I am exactly where God wants me and it is such a good feeling. Yeah, I do still struggle with stuff sometimes but my struggles are small and I know that God is always faithful to get me past them. And although being joyful still feels kind of unnatural at times and I still have to work at it, I do experience joy quite often. Joy used to be a completely unknown concept to me.
Like I said, I've been thinking about this a lot lately so I just wanted to share this because it's proof that God is good and I am excited about it!