Yet I will Rejoice

Can I be honest about something? I've been struggling a lot this fall. I don't know exactly how to explain what's been happening the last few months but basically, I'm a mess. I've felt myself falling back into depression, I've struggled to connect with people, I feel stuck in sin, I'm often frustrated at God, etc. The list could go on and on.
I'm a mess.
But I think that's okay. You see, my life has felt so out of control lately that I've been forced to draw closer to God. On the days where everything seems bad, I remind myself of God's goodness. When I fall for the millionth time, I remember that God is patient and loving. And when I feel like I can't trust anything else, I hold tight to the fact that God is faithful and steady. Though I don't understand why God is doing the things he's doing in my life, I trust him and I cling to his promises. I'm learning what it means to rejoice in the Lord regardless of how I feel.

A few days ago I read a passage in Habakkuk that speaks of a similar thing. It says...

 

"Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's; he makes me tread on my high places."

-Habakkuk 3:17-19 (ESV)

 

 

In the midst of all these terrible things that are happening, Habakkuk chooses to rejoice in the Lord. I want to be like Habakkuk. I want to rejoice in the God of my salvation, even on the worst days.